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| I will persevere. I will endure.
I will become that which is pure.
I will decide. I will abide.
I will always walk along side,
Him.
I will release. I will find peace.
I will not cease - until it is just,
Him.
I will continue, though I am but sinew,
and bone,
because I am seeing a clearer view,
that I am not alone.
I will fail, I may weep and wail,
like my father before,
but his tears shed perfectly till pail,
so I could live a life more.
I will kneel, and NEVER conceal,
His Spirit,
My life must reveal
How I will NOT fear it.
I will love,
Him.
I will.
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| What is the MOST correct way to meet someone?
Do you just go up to someone and say, "Hey, may name is _(Insert Name Here)_", shake their hand, and then enter into some form of small talk?
This to me seems the most appropriate, but often times most nerve wracking method. It also seems the most genuine. The only problem is, when you meet someone, and take the initiative, isn't it then obvious that you WANTED to meet that person? Can you be both genuine and not obvious at the same time? Guess you have to pick one or the other.
Or can you just go to their respective facebook, myspace, or xanga, and meet a person that way?
This method seems easier. The problem I see with this method is it really takes away from the nervous fun of meeting someone in person. It also would seem to the other individual that you didn't put any effort into the mix.
Ultimately I suppose if its as simple as you make it. I often tend to make things much more difficult in my mind than EVER necessary. Meeting people should be as easy as 1-2-3, but maybe I'm not all that different from the rest of the world.
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| Where are you?
Am I supposed to seek you out? Or am I supposed to wait here, knowing all the while you could be passing before me each and every moment?
I have reached a good place. I know what I want in life. When I look back on my life, whether it be now or 50 years down the line, I want to be known, remembered, for always being faithful. I want people to know me as a man of God. Through my actions and daily living, I want to be an example, not for praise for righteousness, for I cannot claim such things for myself. I simply want to be faithful to my father.
This which I am writing at this moment is truly how I think and feel at every moment of every day, in an unfocused manor of simple confusion. This vessel which was sewn to my heart is struggling to stay afloat. Mind you, this struggle needs to cease. Though my soul, my heart for something much greater, yearns. I will sink, I will bury that which is carnal. Not deep within me, for that would give those strands of sinew to be pulled, to resurface. No I want to be completely stripped of what identifies me, that confuses me, with this world. I want to live for God, and live beyond myself, beyond this world.
God, complete me as only you can. For now, if not forever, remove my want to seek after a parter in life. Someone to equal me. Nay, I am nothing compared to her perfect form and heart. I long for her, yet her image escapes me through and through. Why? Why do I let this pursue me? This thought of pursuit, I let it taunt me. For now Lord, as has always been, I am not fit for this task, this deep desire, to complete myself in this world.
Please. Be my only desire, for I know the joy that you bring. Fill my empty spaces full with you, so that you might be seen, even in the places that people rarely see. Do it quickly, and painlessly...impossible I know, I have far too much to learn. At least, please, calm my heart during the difficult journeys across uncharted lands. In those times you must reshape me, make me as you see, as I will want to be seen, and will be.
I have faith that you do complete. Complete my heart with love and compassion for others, so I might fall ever so slightly closer to your trunk...
My eyes grow weary, do not leave me this night. I need you. I want to need you. I need to want you. And, I love you, God. May I never fear that what I am is a glimpse of you, NEVER allow me to be ashamed. You cannot be ashamed. For you are what will save us all. You are what has saved me.
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| Body: Heart, please, Sit down, relax, take a nap. You must be so tired, you look so much older now. You have tried in vain, it seems - Heart, to reach something that is unreachable. You know you have made it difficult for us too, just watching you. You have had us worried. You really should reconsider what this is worth, to you and your well being, and to the others that care for you. Please heart, think about it. Have you gained anything from all that exhaustive ...abuse?
Heart: I don't know.
Body: Did you ever reach your goal?
Heart: No, well, I thought I did a few times...
Body: Did you ever really ever have a goal?
Heart: Well, you know, I really don't...know...
Body: Then why did you try so hard?
Heart: I had to try... I mean it just can't be unreachable. It can't be...
Body: I know how you must feel, but come on man, I mean, you are literally killing yourself over this. It has to stop, for your own good.
Heart: I know. I know. I should just quit... But i just can't. I feel if I don't continue to try, I'll regret it for the rest of my life. There were days when it was so close, I swear I had it. But then, its like I wake up and its twice as far as it was just days before. But Body, you have to let me try, please.
Body: I don't know Heart...
Heart: Please man...you have to let me try just a little longer. I mean, its all I want anymore, just to reach it. It's sad to admit this I guess, but it's what gives me meaning; it's what gives me purpose. Please?
Body: (sigh) Why do I let you do this... Okay...
I guess I'm here for you then.
Heart: Thanks.
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| I'm bored...
I'm not tired...
What should I do? Read? Watch TV? Draw? Think? I don't have any real drive to do anything at the moment.
I wish I had something profound to say...but I'm at a loss for anything interesting...
I wonder if this is what "emo's" call apathy...If so I truly fear for my well being...
I am glad school has started, it will give me something to pass my time, something to focus on. I have been so used to having no focus for the past month, no routine. You know it has been quite a while since I have popped open that good O'l Word of God. Perhaps this is a great opportunity for God and me to have a heart to heart.
Heh. So thats why I feel apathetic...been living for myself for far too long. Time to give up something I must be holding on to...perhaps its just my stubbornness. Maybe its an activity. I guess God will let me know tonight.
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